Unforgettable Christlike Character: The key to successful youth ministry.

Kids, for the most part, won't remember your lessons much. Oh, one might remember something you said around the campfire if it happened to be a pivotal moment in their spiritual lives. One of my kids, now in college, recalled a weekend retreat as the funnest time of her life. Not actually a lesson. Actually a group did remember that a lesson entitled "Hippo-grits" was about hypocrites because I served them grits for a snack. They did not remember what the lesson was about.

What they all remember, however, is me and that I cared about them. In ten years how will your kids look back and remember you? Will your memory bring back warm feeling of acceptance and love or alienation and bitterness? Will they remember youth group as a place of loving support or just another thing they had to do to please someone? Will you be remembered as a person who had an authentic relationship with God or will they realize the person they remembered was just modeling surface Christianity?

How is your heart? Steve Camp has this great song called "Don't tell them Jesus loves them, till you're ready to love them too." Good song. Worth a listen. You can download it through this link.

Don't Tell Them Jesus Loves Them [Music Download] By Steve Camp / Emi Cmg Distribution Download

Motivation to do youth ministry varies widely. Parents will often times become youth leaders out of necessity. Their kids are in the age group and no one else is stepping up. They marshal their fears and plunge in to do their duty. Their fear becomes evident as they take steps to ensure class discipline and maintain control. They get angry when kids act up. Sometimes they yell at them.

Professional youth ministers, those schooled in the art, may be motivated by nothing more than using youth ministry as a stepping stone to a senior pastor position. They design a program that displays their skill but has minimal personal relationships with the kids.

Some youth pastors who experienced an adolescence filled with aches and pains are determined to save other kids from the same fate. They would have enjoyed having someone care about them during that stage of their lives. However, their ministry might dangerously be more about meeting their own heart's desire for love than actually helping the kids. It's a short step to an improper relationship with a teen.

So what is the proper motivation for a youth leader and how do we know if we have it?

The mature Christian youth leader is deeply satisfied in their relationship with God and has no unconscious demands that the child returns their affections. An effective youth leader looks at a child and sees the enormous potential that child has to affect their relationships with sincere God-centered love. This youth pastor wants nothing more than to help that young person learn to love God and others. This motivation grows out of their own deep personal love for God.

If you are this kind of youth leader I applaud you. You will strive hard to teach your kids about God and the reasons he is worthy of their love. You will model for them a heart that is profoundly touched by the Holy Spirit. Your lessons, though they may not be remembered, will change the core of who they are. They will listen attentively because the want what you naturally display: joy, peace, patience, and love.

Effective youth ministry certainly requires accurate doctrine and sound Biblical knowledge. But it also requires a depth of maturity attained only by those who are honest with themselves. Dr. Larry Crabb, in his book Inside Out, says this requires a deep honest look inside ourselves to reveal what's really going on in our hearts.

Inside Out By Dr. Larry Crabb / NAV Press "Why do things go so wrong when I'm trying so hard to be right?" If you've ever asked yourself this question, Crabb has a few answers. "Far too many Christians do not deal honestly with their lives. The pathway to change is more often discussed and debated than displayed." In his warm, engaging style, Crabb helps you venture inside yourself where Christ is waiting to heal, restore, and fulfill. Real wholeness and real change are possible---if you're willing to start from the inside out.

Besides the Bible, I have benefited more from this book than any other. I highly recommend every Christian who is serious about an authentic faith reads this book. You will be able to model Christlike character that is unforgettable.

Discernment

You wouldn't believe what the pastor said in his sermon today. Well, maybe you would. Everyone else seemed to be buying it just fine. I'm starting to wonder if discernment is dead in the church today. Paul foretold of this age in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."

Discernment has been defined by some as "the ability to decide (right or wrong, true or false) concerning a testament or statement." Some have mistakenly thought that discernment is a Spiritual Gift bestowed only on chosen individuals. However, the only place discernment is mentioned in the Bible associated with Spiritual Gifts is 1 Corinthians 12:10. Here it is the "ability to distinguish between spirits (NIV)." Websters dictionary defines discernment as "showing good, or outstanding judgement and understanding."

To me, discernment is far more than an ability. Discernment must be a willingness to look deeply into a subject and make a sound judgement. The question then is, "Do Christians care enough to be willing to become good at discernment?" We see that people can be very enthusiastic about a variety of topics. Fantasy football is a good example. Participants will eagerly study and learn statistics about teams and players to create the best pseudo-football team. From my view, concerning churchgoers, I'm not seeing that kind of enthusiasm for sound doctrine these days.

Paul gives young Timothy an important directive: 2Timothy 4:5 "But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." Are you teaching your kids to be able to discern truth from error, to be good judges, or have you rushed with the lemmings to embrace Rob Bell's heretical teachings. Are you of more noble character, willing to "examine the scriptures" to see (Acts 17:11) if what he's saying is true?

You Mean That Isn't in the Bible? 10 Popular Beliefs That Simply Aren't True Believe it or not, the saying "God helps those who help themselves" is not found in the Bible. This and several other popular beliefs that emerged out of Christian culture are examined by David Rich. Looking to the Bible, Rich explores the Scriptural basis for where these ideas began, and leads you to the true source of God's wisdom for your life.

Just as dangerous a course is to try and shield or protect our young ones from the tough questions. They will be confronted by false teachings all of their lives. "Keep your head." Work hard to reach your kids with doctrinal truths and build their faiths to withstand the tricks of the enemy. Middle school age kids are quite ready to tackle the tough stuff of faith.

Parents expect us to cover topics like sex and drugs with their kids. "Enduring hardship" might, however, include a tongue lashing from a parent for discussing death, hell, circumcision, meditation, and other religions with their kids. Teaching your kids to question what they hear can appear as though you are advocating rebellion against their parents and other authority figures. Teach my lesson, "Judging v.s. Judgmental."

Who Are You to Judge? Learning to Distinguish Between Truths, Half-Truths and Lies By Erwin W. Lutzer / Moody Publishers Making wise judgments in an anything-goes world is the Christian's mandate---and it's not easy! Lutzer chastises the church for its tolerance of secular values and lifestyles and challenges believers with their responsibility to be a force for what's right. Learn how to make godly decisions concerning doctrine, entertainment, miracles, conduct, character, and more.

If you do decide to become a discerning Christian you might bump into Biblical knowledge that actually contradicts something your senior pastor has taught. Will you dare ask him questions about it or will you keep your head down and avoid it? You could be accused of "stirring up dissension." You could loose your job if it's handled poorly. Are you noble enough to defend truth even when it's terribly unpopular? Give it some thought.

To help you teach your kids this essential faith element I have added a new page to Sunday School Lesson Connection website with three free teen Bible lessons covering Discernment, Spotting Counterfeits, and Judging

Encourge Families and Kids to Hit the PAUSE Button.

Last week I taught a lesson a lesson to help kids when they doubt that God really exists. Unfortunately the guy who had actually expressed these doubts leaned up against the wall and promptly fell asleep. Why? He had competed in a sports event the day before in a neighboring state driving there and back in one day.

Last summer I had one of my volunteers cover a Sunday school for me. He had the kids lie down in the grass, look at the sky and think about how big God was. Most of the class, including the teacher, fell soundly asleep. Everyone actually really enjoyed the class that day.

Quite often the kids who show up for Sunday school, or "Youth Church" as we call it, look totally whipped. There is very little energy to participate in an activity let alone concentrate on the lesson. A large percentage of the kids of the church families are only frequent attendees preferring to sleep in. Some go skiing (can't blame them for that).

Being too busy is not a new issue. Feeling like we actually need to do something about it is. We've covered the subject of "systemic abandonment" before. It's the idea that kids live in a performance-based society. The only way they feel loved is by meeting someone else's expectations; their parents, coaches, teachers, even youth pastors. Kid's are willing to run at this frenetic pace because they believe that their performance is our chief concern and the way they earn love. They also begin to believe this about God. They feel they need to earn God's love and earn salvation by their Christian performance. In our rush to give our kids every opportunity we have left their hearts bereft of a love that sustains. The heartache has given rise to songs like, "Who will Love Me For Me."

Many adults, concerned with the over committed fast paced lives of our kids, quickly suggest that parents par down their kids schedules. Youth pastors will easily encourage parents to ease off on the after school activities. Unfortunately the underlying motive for the youth pastor is to increase attendance to his midweek youth group event.

In fact what is really needed is just plain "down time" with people, like their parents, who love them unconditionally. They don't need to be doing anything.

My son and I had a regular habit of camping on the weekends. There are a lot of things you can do on a camping trip. However my budget didn't allow for much. No ATV's, no dirt bikes, no boats, just resting. I'm sure that if we could have afforded the toys we would have played with the toys but we couldn't. Our camping involved good food, reading by the camp fire, an occasional hike, some fishing, and a lot of talking. It was also understood that Saturday or Sunday morning would include a time for quiet personal reflection, Bible study, and prayer. So, unintentionally on our part (or by divine design on God's part) we built relationships. Deep relationships of love, caring, and mutual respect with each other and with God.

Relationship with God is most important in our home, an attitude that was passed from parents to children. Our kids may not have gotten all the toys or opportunities the kids up the road in Aspen get but they got the "one thing" that made all the difference.

Our daughter was killed in an accident when she was fourteen. On her computer we found over thirty poems she had written to God. She'd spend many evenings in her room reading her Bible. We could hear her singing praise songs through the door. She wasn't an awesome student and didn't participate in many extracurricular activities but she had a faith that was real. We are certain she is in heaven enjoying her creator and we will see her again. We had a solid relationship of which I have no regrets.

At nineteen our son is shooting for a Masters degree. He is an awesome student and developed his own missionary job to inner city kids in Denver. (Ya, we're pretty proud of him) His relationship with God is foundational to who he is.

If, as a parent, your desire is to give your kids the best of everything carefully consider what the best actually is. Most kids do not end up as professional sports players but do carry sports related injuries to body and soul through adulthood. Some do get into excellent schools by merit or talent. The reward might be a higher paying job than I have. But what of their relationships? Have they learned what real love is? Did they get to enjoy you (you are enjoyable by the way)? Did they see you enjoying your relationship with your heavenly father? Will they learn how to love their spouse from your example?

Well, I can see that this note has taken on a definite parental tone. As a youth pastor, you might not even be a parent yet. So what can you, as a youth leader, do to help over-committed teens? Omitting your mid-week meeting might be one thing. Discuss it with the powers-that-be before shutting it down of course. Carefully consider if the benefits of attendance outweighs the negative side effects. Perhaps the time could be better spent for a "family night," a time set aside each week for families to put everything else away and play a game, watch a movie, or simply lay out under the stars. It would be good to get your master Pastor on board with the plan. He can encourage the parents to pursue a family night so the time doesn't just get swallowed into a hectic family schedule.

Take a look at "The Pause" lesson plans (shown below) from Simply Youth Ministry. These are lessons designed to help kids develop a deep relationship with God. There's a sample to download free.

The Pause Generation Multitask. It's a fitting label for today's over-committed, over-entertained teenager. School, band, sports practice, work, volunteering, and hours of "screen time," all create a tremendous drain on teens' time. Where is the time for cultivating their relationship with Christ? The Pause teaches teenagers to hit pause and spend time growing their relationship with God. In today's fast paced world these are skills your students must have. The Pause, one of the 4-lesson studies in the 360 Discipleship line of curriculum, will teach students how to pray, how to memorize Scripture, and how to study specific passages of the Bible.

Check and see if the parents actually have a daily quiet-time of their own. I've heard it said that you can't lead anyone farther down the road then you've been." How are you doing with your quiet time? Do you have a love relationship with God? It's hard to model what you don't have. It might be time us, as youth leaders, to hit the pause button too.

Violent Video Game: The Downward Sprial

I was not very popular when I took the Halo game out of the youth room the day I started running the youth program at my second church posting. The previous youth pastor, a green 20-something jock, had been playing it with the boys. He would host Halo tournaments and other events featuring the game. He was oblivious to the damage this violent game was inflicting on his youth group. Not only had he alienated all of the girls, one boy was actually seeing a counselor at school because of violent anger related issues. The suggestion that this students issues might be exacerbated by playing violent video games was met by scoffs and excuses.

Dude! You really don't have to look very far on an Internet search to find the headline of ghastly crimes blamed on mimicking video games: In 2004 a British boy murdered a friend with a claw hammer emulating the game "Manhunt". In 2005 a man in Alabama killed two police officers and three other people simulated by his video game "Grand Theft Auto." In September, 2006, a man beat his 17 month old daughter to death after she disrupted his six hour marathon playing of "Ghost Recon." I could go on and on but what's the point.

Holy smokes! Are you not horrified by these headlines? No you're not.

Gamers and developers of video games will pounce all over anyone who makes such allegations claiming that anyone can say anything on the Internet. It's true. I found a story posted June 9, 2004 on the USA Today website by Mike Snyder, saying, the video game, "Full Spectrum Warrior, which grew out of Pandemic Studio's creation of an Army training simulation, is "technically, tactically very real," says retired Army captain James Ytuarte, who served as a consultant on the game." The same system the army uses to desensitize soldiers to killing is being sold as video games.

In his book, "On Killing," (shown below), another soldier, Lt. Col. Dave Grossman "argues that the breakdown of American society, combined with the pervasive violence in the media and interactive video games, is conditioning our children to kill in a manner similar to the army's conditioning of soldiers: "We are reaching that stage of desensitization at which the infliction of pain and suffering has become a source of entertainment: vicarious pleasure rather than revulsion." This was written in 1996 and the downward spiral continues unabated.

On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society By Dave Grossman / Hachette Book Group, Usa

This was a problem even in Jesus' time. He said, "For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes" (Matthew 13:15).

The Apostle Paul says, "The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the
faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron." (1 Timothy 4:1)

Warnings from the distant past. It sounds like Jesus and Paul were aware of someones directed efforts to bring man to an evil end. Someone a lot older than video game makers.

Want to wake up your kids? I spell it out in my teen Bible lesson, "Calloused Hearts."

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

You are training tomorrows church. Re-sensitize them. Awaken their consciences to God and His love. If you must, first convince yourselves, then convince them of what is happening. Do everything you can including standing against violent video games. "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes" (Ephesians 6:11).

Helping teen's deal with bullies.

Having once again become alarmed and saddened by the reporting of suicides due to bullying I set about to provide a Bible lesson for teenagers on How To Handle Bullies. While investigating internet resources I found a wide variety of suggestions including luring the bully into a wooded area and attacking them with a sword (no kidding).

The Bible does have many examples of bullying. The story of David and Goliath come quickly to mind. David dealt with many bullies. Sometimes he fought back, sometimes he ran and hid but he always "strengthened himself in the Lord." (1 Samuel 30:6) David wasn't perfect but he had a strong relationship with God to whom he regularly cried out to for help and understanding and frequently forgiveness.

A single Bible lesson will not provide the necessary silver-bullet to vanquish the problem of bullying in the adolescents life. The real answer is to envelope the kids in a caring supportive community that provides them with real-time help and advice for each situation as it arises. This must included "listening ears", wisdom from trusted counselors, and a strong sense of their identity in Christ.

Parents must keep an attentive eye on their child's situation. They must provide the empathetic "listening ears" and occasionally go-to-bat for their kids. Sometimes kids are dealing with additional issues like guilt or depression. The bulling exacerbates these problems, may become the straw that broke the camels back, but isn't necessarily the main thing that needs attention. Inform parents to watch for clues and misbehavior on their child's internet social pages.

School's must be more vigilant and foster a safer environment. This may need to include getting involved in the bullies life to determine why this child feels compelled to act out this way.

We must also provide the kids with workable coping mechanisms so they don't think that suicide is their only option. I have a lesson on suicide but this might not be the best context in which to use it. Kid's will be dealing with angry people and unfair situations all of their lives. Sometimes a little understanding of the perpetrators will help them not take insults too personally.

In any case, bringing it up in your youth group or Sunday school class is always a good idea. It helps the kids feel that you are connected in a relative way to their everyday situations and gives them one more supportive adult they might turn to for advice and wisdom.

In addition, your students might not have even realized that they could be playing a part in bullying when they join in the laughter at another students blunder. Watching their own behavior might help them become more sympathetic to the one being bullied and encourage them to become part of the solution. Part of adolescent maturity is realizing that their actions can have profound effects on others. Talk about what is personally at stake for them if they befriend the uncool person. Consider Jesus' interaction with Zacchaeus (Luke 19). Talk about your youth group being a safe place for the "down-trodden" and oppressed.

You should also be aware of students that shy away from participation in activities and games. This may be an indication that they have felt personal distress due to normal teenage awkwardness. No one likes being laughed at especially if they feel alone. This is a great opening to become a friend and supportive adult. Give these kids many opportunities to enjoy social interactions. Value their input whenever they participate in class discussion.

Some great professional advice is available from this book:

What Do I Do When: Teenagers Encounter Bullying and Violence? By Youth Specialties, Just $5.49 from Christian Book.com Explore bullying, violence, and aggression from the perspective of the victim and the aggressor. Discover how theology informs the issue, and what practical actions you can take to help stop the violence and heal the pain. Paperback.

I have a rich past of being bullied. The childish locker room heckling made being on the skins team (of shirts vs skins) totally beyond my comfort zone. At one time I was also a bully. In fourth grade I picked on the weird looking kid with the speech impediment until he beat the tar out of me. Then I was given the title of being the weird kid. This social standing made me the butt of jokes and frequent beatings all through middle school. It had a profound effect my on whole life. How I wished there had been someone there for me. Just a few words of wisdom or encouragement would have helped. Even the youth group leader was a source of belittlement and exclusion. Did he even know? Did he even care to know? Thanks be to God who came to me and told me I was His son.

Try not to be thoughtless. Do your best to help kids through these hard years of early adolescence.

Multi-part Sunday School Lessons

A few weeks ago I did a lesson about Spiritual Warfare. I had heard that some recently Baptized kids were having trouble sleeping and others had shared their worries with their parents. As I was teaching the lesson they kept bring up Spiritual Armor (Ephesians 6). They were pleased with themselves for at least knowing this Spiritual Armor existed and exhibited an interest in knowing more. I determined that that would make a good follow-up lesson and spent many hours preparing over the next week.

The next Sunday I walked into the kids room all set, with a matching activity, great snack, the works. However, instead of the fifteen girls and one boy I had the week before the class now consisted of six boys and only one girl who attended the week before. I felt like I was in a completely different church. Where was my class?

This had happened about a year ago too. I taught a lesson on Spiritual gifts one week and had them fill out a Spiritual Gifts Questionnaire the next week. Unfortunately the kids that got the questionnaire were completely different kids, unprepared and not interested. But that was the only plan I had for that weeks class. It was a bust.

As memories of that miserable day flowed through my mind I remembered that I had two other Sunday school lesson plans in my bag. One lesson plan was tailored more for boys, and the other more for girls. I put away my lesson on Spiritual armor and taught a different lesson. As jarring as that unexpected change in direction was to me, the class was not a disaster. The boys were engaged in learning and the lessons goals were successfully realized. The next week the girls returned. The original lesson was taught to the audience it was intended for with success.

Dan Folgelberg warned in a song, "Changing horses in the middle of a stream gets you wet and sometimes cold." Luckily he wasn't talking about a Sunday school class. I'd rather be wet from sweat than drowned by disaster any day. From now on I will always come to class with several options ready to go. I write my Sunday school lesson plans clear enough so I can teach them even if my old brain locks up half way through. I fear "brain freeze" in front of an expectant group of middle schoolers. It happens. These Sunday school lessons can be taught cold. I could even hand one to an untrained parent or volunteer in an emergency and it would work.

Games can be easy too. I always keep a bag of balloons with a list of balloon games. A bag of rubber bands and some paper cups can amuse boys. Grab a couple rolls of toilet paper from the bathroom and have the girls make bridal gowns. Keep candy or "Zany-Bands" for prizes. Cash will always work for a prize in a pinch (actually that was a real hit one day).

I can't fix the inherent problem of uneven, sporadic Sunday school class attendance. But being flexible and prepared for several lessons helps.

How to Make Your Youth Group Grow.

I have a page on my website that lists 10 easy things you can do to ensure a great youth group. The second suggestion is: "Create a party atmosphere with Christmas lights or other party lights as your budget can afford. Have activities like ping-pong and video games ready to play."

This advice seems to be dismissed as nonsense by many in Sunday school ministries but now Josh Hunt has survey data that proves groups that party together "are 104% more likely to be growing than low-fellowship groups."

In his new book, Make Your Group Grow, Josh Hunt succinctly delivers many practical, easy to implement strategies and tips to help your small group grow...that is , if you want your group to grow.

Make Your Group Grow: Simple Stuff That Really Works By Josh Hunt Grow your volunteer base with tested principles that really work! Based on discoveries from three surveys, Hunt shares statistics, anecdotes, and real-life stories that will equip leaders to develop healthy groups; offers hands-on suggestions for how to put findings into action; creates a model that's easily reproduced and passed on; and more. 160 pages, softcover from Groups.

Of all the tips I give on my website this one seems to be the one that generates the most skepticism and disagreement. It seems that in many Christians eyes you're not being a serious Christian unless your being...serious. Well, if you know kids you've learned that being serious only lasts about five minutes at best. Coincidentally, these are the same folks who think teaching middle school age kids is hard.

In reality, teaching this age group can be really fun if you create a fun, party like, atmosphere. Hey, I'm the first person to encourage youth leaders to teach at every opportunity. I teach serious Christian lessons. Just take a look at some of my Sunday school lessons for proof. But, my kids love coming to class, and invite their friends, because they know it's also going to be fun.

Josh's book is an easy read and you can skip right to the stuff that really makes a difference if you want to but it's full of useful nuggets to help any group grow.